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Sins of Neglect
lawrencebush
October 4, 2014
by Lawrence Bush
IT’S EREV YOM KIPPUR
and I have many sins
of neglect
to recite
I walked a mile with my visiting son tonight
who showed me the scary-looking spot he used to use
to descend into the canyon very exciting his secret childhood
We looked at the calves and cows in the dusky meadow
and realized
that we don’t really understand the differences between milk cows and beef cows
besides the udders
and I knew
that for twenty-eight years, in the same place
I’ve only been a spectator, moving from sight to sight
never investigating
So I veered off into Steve’s woods for the first time
we hiked across the tree roots that lace the ground together
and I breathed a little heavily because I was tripping in my sandals
and thinking about the bear I recently saw
and friends I haven’t
I NEGLECTED MY FRIEND Bob this year/ a casual friend but long-time/ I’ve neglected him before/ but his father never died before/ and now Bob probably thinks I’m mad at him/ or just a weird man/ and now there’s inertia between us/ I’m sorry Bob/ I have many excuses/ there are no excuses
I neglected Helen, up in Albany, because she kept asking me to help kidnap her husband from the nursing home/ and bring him home to the apartment where he kept getting hurt
I’m not the first to abandon her/she’s crazy and stubborn/ but she’s been good to me/ admiring of me/ I will write again and see if she’s capable of writing back or calling me/if not/ perhaps I will rest easy about it/ I am not her son
I neglected Betty/my dead mother’s caretaker/who cleaned her shit
repeatedly
I send her checks, give her money still/ but she needs more/she’s broke/ she’s black/she’s sick and poor/ I will send her another check soon/eventually/ but it will not be enough
I neglected my wife 1,242 times this year/ And she neglected me only 369 times/ God, I love her/ She’s the better soul. I’m the more repentant.
I would not be me if I were less repentant
I would still be me if I were less neglectful
My Yom Kippur stretches out like this
for days
My Jews gathering in open-air synagogues, iPhones illluminated
we smoke pot tap keyboards writing texts, poems, tractates
of apology
for three hours or more
five six seven hours
before greeting one another at last
with hugs real hugs
and wan, humble smiles
We have apologized! We will try again
try again
Lawrence Bush edits Jewish Currents.
IT’S EREV YOM KIPPUR
and I have many sins
of neglect
to recite
I walked a mile with my visiting son tonight
who showed me the scary-looking spot he used to use
to descend into the canyon very exciting his secret childhood
We looked at the calves and cows in the dusky meadow
and realized
that we don’t really understand the differences between milk cows and beef cows
besides the udders
and I knew
that for twenty-eight years, in the same place
I’ve only been a spectator, moving from sight to sight
never investigating
So I veered off into Steve’s woods for the first time
we hiked across the tree roots that lace the ground together
and I breathed a little heavily because I was tripping in my sandals
and thinking about the bear I recently saw
and friends I haven’t
I NEGLECTED MY FRIEND Bob this year/ a casual friend but long-time/ I’ve neglected him before/ but his father never died before/ and now Bob probably thinks I’m mad at him/ or just a weird man/ and now there’s inertia between us/ I’m sorry Bob/ I have many excuses/ there are no excuses
I neglected Helen, up in Albany, because she kept asking me to help kidnap her husband from the nursing home/ and bring him home to the apartment where he kept getting hurt
I’m not the first to abandon her/she’s crazy and stubborn/ but she’s been good to me/ admiring of me/ I will write again and see if she’s capable of writing back or calling me/if not/ perhaps I will rest easy about it/ I am not her son
I neglected Betty/my dead mother’s caretaker/who cleaned her shit
repeatedly
I send her checks, give her money still/ but she needs more/she’s broke/ she’s black/she’s sick and poor/ I will send her another check soon/eventually/ but it will not be enough
I neglected my wife 1,242 times this year/ And she neglected me only 369 times/ God, I love her/ She’s the better soul. I’m the more repentant.
I would not be me if I were less repentant
I would still be me if I were less neglectful
My Yom Kippur stretches out like this
for days
My Jews gathering in open-air synagogues, iPhones illluminated
we smoke pot tap keyboards writing texts, poems, tractates
of apology
for three hours or more
five six seven hours
before greeting one another at last
with hugs real hugs
and wan, humble smiles
We have apologized! We will try again
try again
Lawrence Bush edits Jewish Currents.
