Channel Esther: “Fixing My Phone on Chanukah”

by Esther Cohen

THERE’S an Apple store

on the Upper West Side where I went

yesterday to fix the sound on my phone.

Apple Greeter Agamemnon he said it means

strong and inflexible born in Crete

told me not to worry I’d leave happy for sure.

Sent me downstairs to Odette from Senegal.

She put me on the list. Young Bengali Genius

Achintya a name for those who are Inconceivable

told me about an MRI for IPhones

I watched him twice as he put my phone

through Diagnostics and came up with an official

diagnosis: SHMUTZ said Achintya. Probably

lint from your bag. It means dirt he said.

SHMUTZ is a common problem.

I will remove it with my brush.

Esther Cohen‘s books include God Is a Tree, Book Doctor, and Don’t Mind Me and Other Jewish Lies. She is the Jewish Currents arts and public events consultant.