O My America — 31,000 TRULY FANTASTIC People

by Lawrence Bush There are about thirty-one thousand people out there in America who are at least three thousand times more handsome, talented, intelligent, courageous, entrepreneurial, hard-working, and just downright brilliant than I. That’s why we’re the #3 country in the world in income disparity (Hong Kong and Singapore have us beat, says the New York Times.). That’s why of the nearly $8 trillion in income divided among 310 million of us, at least eight percent, or $213 million apiece per year, goes to those thirty-one thousand TRULY FANTASTIC people, the top one hundredth of one percent among us who deserve everything they’ve got. I think they deserve to be classified as another species altogether: Libertarianus Superiori, or Moral Sensibilitia Bankruptis, or something like that. (I admit, I don’t know Latin and I’m too lazy to call someone who does. I really should be living in stark poverty, its exactly what I deserve for my laziness, and for not knowing Latin.) BTW, Israel ranks right below the U.S. in income disparity, because we all know what the Prophet Micah said: “Love money. Do whatever it takes. And walk quickly from the mob.” ALL KIDDING ASIDE, MY FELLOW UNWORTHIES: WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO US? TO OUR COUNTRY? TO OUR UNIONS? TO OUR SAVINGS? TO OUR HEALTH? TO OUR FUTURES? TO ARMS! TO ARMS!