by Sparrow

 

Overheard on the Bus

“We used to be Republicans, but now we believe the chaotic improvisations of Donald Trump.”

 

Rumors

The rumors that

Donald Trump has

a prosthetic anus

(made of gold)

are false.

 

Ode to Donald Trump

Donald Trump is

a bit of a grump.

He’s not thin;

he’s plump,

with a big

round rump.

Like Forrest Gump

he lands with a thump;

tireless as a pump,

though his shoulders slump.

If there were many

Donald Trumps,

they might all

have the mumps,

but there is just one –

so this song is done.

 

After the Revolution

After

the

revolution,

the

People

will

shout

to

Donald

Trump:

“You’re fired!”

 

Homework Assignment

1) Queens is the most multiethnic place in the USA.

2) Trump — who’s from Queens — is an absolute racist.

3) Explain.

 

Donald Trump Has Taught Us

Instead of kings

we’re ruled by

pugnacious

toddlers.

 

Donald Trump

He is a cad, alack,

In a Cadillac!

 

Capitalism

Capitalism lets cruel,

heedless men rule the earth,

while every good person is poor.

Have you ever noticed that?

 

Trump, Father and Son

When Donald Trump was a child,

his father’d beat him mercilessly

every Thursday, shouting, “You

must be strong! Never weaken!

I don’t want a sissy for a son!

I want a man! A man! A man!”

Each time he repeated “a man,”

Frederick Christ Trump would

punch his young son’s face.

 

Song

O Donald

Trump, you

have

broken

my spirit.

I lie in

bed

aghast

at your

impudent,

fierce

Reich.

 

Letter to Trump

Your double-

combover

doesn’t

fool me.

Beneath it

you’re

bald as

a breast.

 

Axiom

Occasionally,

Americans

must

re-fight

the

Civil War.

Now is

one of

those

fucking

times.

 

Trump Era Bodhisattvic Vow

Republicans without number, I vow to convert them all.

Anxieties and hatreds, I vow to overcome them all.

True political analyses, I vow to learn them all.

The path of heroes, I vow to walk!

 

Letter to Trump

The USA

began as

a revolt

against

a vain,

delusional

oligarch.

It can

happen

again!

 

The New Administration

Trump is surrounding himself

with Nazis and pigs.

Doesn’t that make you nervous?

 

Exit Polls Show

The

vast

majority

of

devout

Christians

hate

immigrants.

 

Dear Mr. Trump

Hatred is not a joke.

Racism isn’t comedic.

Beating up protesters is

not a sport, like ice hockey.

 

The Trump Clan

One son is a Nazi;

the son-in-law is an Orthodox Jew.

Thanksgivings must be fun!

 

O Donald Trump

I’m sick of

trying to

decide if

you’re a

real fascist

or just a

vain buffoon;

you’re

probably

both: a

clown-Nazi!

 

 

Explosion

The Bible

blew up in

my face.

 

Killed by Donald Trump

Glenn Frey

Paul Kantner

David Bowie

Prince

Leonard Cohen

 

Before He’s Even Inaugurated

Let

the

revolt

begin!

 

Confession

It’s an

evil

thought,

but I’d

like to

grab

Donald

Trump

by the

pussy!

 

260

I’m anti-Trump! Who are you?

Are you — anti-Trump — too?

Then there’s a pair of us!

Don’t tell! they’d advertise — you know!

How dreary — to be — Trump!

How public — like a Frog —

To tell one’s name — the livelong June —

To an admiring Bog!

 

Meaningless Slogan

Dollars

trump

pence.

 

Advice to Our President

1) Visit a Zen monastery.

2) Spend six hours in silence.

3) Ask yourself over and over, “Who is Donald Trump?”

4) Flush your iPhone down the toilet.

5) Build a grass hut.

6) Listen to birdsong.

7) DO NOT START A NUCLEAR WAR!

 

Dear Mike Pence

If you

see

Donald

Trump

reach

for the

Red

Button,

stab

him

with a

penknife!

 

Public Warning

The Deplorables have

left the Basket & are

racing down the street!

 

Wish

If

only

a nine-

word

poem

could

stop

Trump!

 

The Call

There is one way

to defeat Trump:

shamanic

whispering.

 

Before Trump’s Inauguration 

In

desperate

times

like

these,

it

helps

to

play

Duck-

Duck-

Goose.

 

Comparison

I am

more

ethical

than

Donald

Trump,

but so

is a sea

anemone!

 

Inside the Minds of 12 Million Voters

What

the

hell

was I

thinking

— that

Hillary

reminded

me of

my fourth

grade

teacher?

Now

I’ve

destroyed

Medicaid!

 

Surprise

We all

knew

there

were

lots

of

bad

white

people

in

America,

but

who

knew

they

were

so bad,

and

so

white?

 

Two Slogans

1) Love Trumps Hate.

2) Trump Loves Hate.

 

Scary Vision

The

eye

above

the

pyramid

on the

dollar

bill

is

closing.

 

Strategy

If only

there

were a

signal

we could

flash

in the

sky to

summon

Obama!

 

Prophecy

Howard Zinn is

shouting

from Heaven:

“Organize! Resist!

Obstruct! Sing!”

 

Alternative Fact

Trump

is so

dangerous,

Frederick

Douglas

has come

back to

life!

 

Homespun Wisdom

Some

men are

fun to

date

but

horrible

to marry;

one of

them

is now

President.

 

Haiku

Trump “gooses”

women, while

goose-stepping.

 

Syntax Lesson

“President Trump”

is an oxymoron.

 

Affirmation

Every day

that Trump

doesn’t

blow up

the world

is a lucky

one.

 

Queer Theory

If we

must

build

a 2000

mile

wall,

let’s

make

it

pink!

 

Sad Truth

Trump

has

never

wept.

 

Strange Fact

Trump Tower is modeled on the Tower of Babel.

 

Dear Donald Trump

In this

poem

I throw

feces

in your

face,

though

unfortunately

in real

life

I have

not yet

done

so.

 

Strange Fact

When Steve Bannon passes by a mirror, there’s no reflection.

 

Trump

Trump is

a drug

to

stupefy

the poor.

 

Warning

Hey, Trump!

Watch out!

The New 

York

Times is

tenacious!

They’re harder

to destroy than

American

democracy!

 

Top Secret

Hey, Trump!

I have my

own

alternative

facts!

One of

them is:

you were

sent here

from the

planet

Exglani

to destroy

us!

 

Dear Resistance

We must

hurry!

Trump

wants to

provoke a

terrorist

attack,

then

declare

martial

law.

We must

show

everyone

what a

scumbag

he is,

before

that can

happen!

 

Trump As Second Baseman

Poor Trump!

He’s in a slump!

“Strike three!”

yells the ump.

 

Hair

Trump’s

hair

transplants

are

almost

as creepy

as his

politics!

 

Thesis

Ten years of

fake news

becomes

fake history.

 

New Strategy

“They go

low, we

go high”

didn’t

work so

great.

Now I

go low.

 

Trumpcare

ain’t

no

care

at

all.

 

Prayer

Each

morning,

Trump

prays to

Satan:

“Lord,

increase

my rage &

contempt!”

 

Trump

wants to

replace the

Affordable

Care Act

with the

Unaffordable

Fuck You

Act.

 

Definitions

trompe l’oeil: illusion in art

Trump l’oeil: illusion in politics

 

Syria

Syria

is so

complex,

most

PhD

topologists

don’t

understand

it. Only

an idiot

like

Trump

thinks

he does!

 

A Letter

Dear President (?) Trump:

It’s not

nice

to drop

bombs.

Love,

Sparrow

 

Trump’s Cabinet

“Deplorables” is

too nice a word

to describe them.

 

Proverb

When a

President

feels

frustrated,

he bombs

the Middle

East.

 

Political Analysis

Those

addicted

to opioids

also

vote for

Trump.

Trump

is the

OxyContin

of American

politics.

 

Thanks, Internet!

Somewhere

on the

Internet

all of

Trump’s

lies are

“proven”

to be true.

 

Concrete Poem

PUTIN

PUT IN

TRUMP

 

Fake News?

It turns

out the

news

is real

and the

President

is fake.

 

Sorry, Mr. Trump

Melania

don’t wan’ ya!

 

Confession

If he

wasn’t

destroying

my nation,

I’d pity

Trump.

 

Question

Trump calls

real news

“fake news,”

but does he

dare to call

real poetry

“fake poetry”?

 

Trump’s Logic

“Why

should

the

Poor

go to

doctors?

To live

longer?”

 

Error Message

The Founding Fathers

distrusted democracy —

and were wrong.

Democracy

elected Hillary.

 

Jesus Told Me

All you

Born-

Again

Christians

who

voted

for

Trump

are

going

to

Hell!

 

Literary Critique

The worst

poem

is better

than Trump’s

best tweet.

 

Manifesto

“Libtard” is the

stupidest insult

since “pantywaist.”

 

Sparrow plays ocarina in the non-Euclidean pop band Foamola. He wrote for us recently on Bazooka Joe Comics and their fortunes. Follow him on Twitter (@Sparrow14). How to Survive the Coming Collapse of Civilization (And Other Helpful Hints) is available from our Pushcart.